Mama, what are THOSE?!

I recall a cloudy day, back in the 80's...My mom, brother and I were at Target. I was in roughly the 3rd grade. My little brother is perched in the big red basket and my mom, permed hair and all, was walking us down the "woman" aisle. She proceeds to chunk a big blue box of "product" into the cart. At this point in my young life, I am becoming curious about everything. The big blue box is driving me crazy. What in the world is that? And, more importantly, why do I not get one? I am a girl after all. I want to be pretty, too! Here is the conversation as I remember it all those years ago...

Me: Mama, what is in that blue box?
Mom: Oh nothing. Don't worry about it.
Me: Why? I want to know. What is that?
Mom: I'll tell you when we get home.
Me (voice is getting a little loud): But I want to know now. What are those?
Mom: Erin, I'll tell you when we get home.
(My brother is getting anxious at this point and maybe a little curious as well, his head is flipping back and forth between me and my mom- like he's watching a ping pong match...)
Me: MAMA!!!! I WANT TO KNOW! TELL ME - WHAT ARE THOSE???!!!
(At this juncture, I am getting irritated, my mom is totally embarrassed about my tirade in Target, and my brother is clueless now. He's off in He-Man land, or maybe he is naming his next Cabbage Patch Kid.)

Kicking and screaming as we head for the car, my mom must have been praying to the Lord above that my dad would be home when we got there to intercept me so she could forgo the "birds and bees" talk with me.

Needless to say, I never did find out what was in that big blue box while at Target. When we got home, my mom came into my room with a big, but thin, hardback book. I can't really remember what the name of it was, but I do remember the illustrations inside. A man. A woman. A baby. In one illustration there was a woman and it shows her insides, another illustration shows a man and his "parts." This is the day I discovered what my parents did to get both me and my little brother into this world. I was told that they were in love and that's what people do when they are married and in love. (I didn't want to have this conversation with my mom anymore. Whatever was in that blue box could stay there. YUCK.)

After my mom did some explaining (in very technical terms), she quietly walked out of my room and left me to simmer- in shock. How did I not know about this act? Why would God make me do THAT with a boy to have a baby? And lastly, I realized that babies didn't come from eating Snicker bars with peanuts, they came from BOYS! WHAT in the heck?!

Embarrassed to say anything to my friends (or anyone for that matter) about my discovery, I kept quiet for years! I didn't say a word until I was in the 5th grade and I got to watch the movie that Annie hosted about girls and "the change." Most of the girls in my class giggled and some cried. This is a shocking time in a young girls life. I did not giggle and I sure did not cry. I just sat on the floor in front of the TV, like the 'know-it-all' I was (and am, thanks to my dad) and thought to myself how proud I was to be a girl. And how lucky I was to have such a cool mom to explain to me this process so that I wasn't in shock like the other girls.

Enter 1996 and the 11th grade when I witnessed the "folding of clothes."What a surprising and yet disturbing day that was. (Maybe more disturbing than the day at Target.) That's the stuff your mom won't warn you about when she tells you about the birds and the bees. "Folding clothes" apparently happens even after you have kids and don't want any more.

Right, mom?

(This post is dedicated to Christa and her awesome kid Hannah who is discovering what the big blue box is...)